Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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