no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
