My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
