Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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