i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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