so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
