I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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