I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dick very happy bro
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
