I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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