I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
