Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
