he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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