why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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