If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
