The best revenge is premature balding
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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