hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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