okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
