it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You are a genius and a whore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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