I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
