She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
