We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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