I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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