Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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