I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
