He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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