I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
