I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im holly from the hills drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
