i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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