My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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