epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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