I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
