I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
