everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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