I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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