i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
