I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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