I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
