she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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