just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
