I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
