Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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