I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
