Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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