You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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