WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
