goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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