"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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