And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize