worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
