Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
