We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize