My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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