there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
