You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
