I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
