so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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