it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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