carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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