i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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