I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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