why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
