Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
