you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have already put on my inside pants.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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